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Ros
Sept 26, 2007 21:32:47 GMT 1
Post by dtay on Sept 26, 2007 21:32:47 GMT 1
Me too Ros - thinking of you and sending ((hugs)) x
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Ros
Sept 27, 2007 12:34:01 GMT 1
Post by phillipa on Sept 27, 2007 12:34:01 GMT 1
Ros,
My first husband died three months after we married. I was pregnant at the time and he didn't know about this neither did I. Once I realised I was pregnant I had something else to focus me, and I had to make a life for me and this baby.
I fell apart after Janine was born, I had too much to do before then. Even disposing of Stanley's ashes was a comedy of errors (like my life). I didn't really crawl out of that place for nearly two years. I was busy rebuilding my career, looking after my baby and grieving. One day I woke up and I heard the birds singing. I realised I hadn't noticed bird song since Stanley died. he is a very soft, lovely memory after all these years. There is no such things as early days really. it is day by day and you have to work your way through this in the way you can cope with. I can't honestly say I have been through the seven stages of grieving at any timne, even when young Neil drowned seven years ago. I refused to see a specialist about this because I found in my experience they do not help, but this is my experience. if anyone spoke about Stanley in hushed tonnes, I told them to speak up. he lived, he died, but by golly he enjoyed his life. I am darn sure he didn't want to go the way he did, but it happened. I was angry with him because he could have killed three of us, but it wasn't meant to be that way.
Perhaps if you write you daily experiences down this might be cathartic for you.
I am wiccan, so we believe everything is meant to happen and it is part of the 'process', but that is not a wiccan word. it is a cycle. I love the woodland, and Dave has returned to begin the cycle again, he is now part of Nature. Look and the trees and listen to the whisper of the breeze and think of Dave being part of this. For you, hang on to him, however you want to. gradually things will soften. You are doing what I did. So what if you are building a so called shrine, this your way and no-one else's. they can cope in their way when it is their turn. there is not right or wrong. You take one day at a time. Just remember to eat when you are hungry. When Neil died I remember neighter kent or I ate for three days, we lived on coffee and cups of tea.
I am keeping a diary with everything going on around us, but I have found I have been writing less lately, as my feelings have changed over the months. This might help you.
If you want to get out of the house,let me know, I am sure we can organise something.
Oh I have stated back at yoga and had a facial yesterday. Spoil yourself and see how you feel after it.
Soft hugs
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Ros
Sept 27, 2007 19:05:44 GMT 1
Post by norfolkbirdie on Sept 27, 2007 19:05:44 GMT 1
Deanne
I am still here, still existing, still feels like I am an actor in someone else's very bad play. I am trying to get my act together and start coping with it instead of allowing it to engulf me and some days I manage to do this others I just spend crying and feeling so alone. Thanks Phillipa for your words and I do write some things down but the best thing appears to be going to the woods and sitting with Dave talking to him and telling him all the stuff I would normally have said. Eating & sleeping are still things I haven't managed to get back yet but at least I have lost alot of my weight which I had put on when trying to build Dave up. Otherwise what else can I say, I am getting through all the paperwork and sorting out all his pension stuff, didn't realise how much there was to do. Still got no response from hospital with regard to my complaint, they said 25 days for a response, so I think I should hear in the next couple of weeks. When I have everything in order then it's probably time to figure the future. So thanks for asking and thinking of me.
Ros
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