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Ros
Aug 25, 2007 17:09:18 GMT 1
Post by Deanne Jenkyns on Aug 25, 2007 17:09:18 GMT 1
Dearest Ros, I know that tomorrow is your Birthday and I cannot even begin to imagine how you will be feeling tomorrow. I just wanted to say that I am so glad that you are with your Family and you have people that love you around you. It does not seem appropriate to say Happy Birthday Ros. So I will just say that I will be thinking of you and sending lots of love and (((((hugs)))) your way! Speak to you again soon Ros.
Take care Deanne xxxx
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Ros
Aug 25, 2007 20:03:32 GMT 1
Post by dtay on Aug 25, 2007 20:03:32 GMT 1
Thinking of you too Ros xx
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Ros
Aug 26, 2007 13:42:39 GMT 1
Post by phillipa on Aug 26, 2007 13:42:39 GMT 1
Happy Birthday Ros. Soft Hugs Phillipa and kent
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Vicky
Full Member
Here to support Deanne & Jimmy!!
Posts: 127
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Ros
Aug 26, 2007 22:56:45 GMT 1
Post by Vicky on Aug 26, 2007 22:56:45 GMT 1
Hi Ros,
Sending you lots of love and gentle ((hugs)) on your birthday.
Thinking of you too.
Love Vicky xxxxxxx
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randyw
Junior Member
Just chillin with my friends
Posts: 80
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Ros
Aug 27, 2007 2:55:47 GMT 1
Post by randyw on Aug 27, 2007 2:55:47 GMT 1
Am I too Late? ? NO!! Well then; [glow=red,2,300]HAPPY BIRTHDAY[/glow]!!!!!!!!!!! ;D
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Ros
Aug 28, 2007 9:17:05 GMT 1
Post by norfolkbirdie on Aug 28, 2007 9:17:05 GMT 1
Hi All
Thanks for thinking of me, yes Sunday was awful but it was OK as well as I had all the family there to mop my eyes. Now back home and starting the process of sorting out Dave's affairs and also learning to live in our house on my own. Ros
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Ros
Aug 28, 2007 11:07:24 GMT 1
Post by Deanne Jenkyns on Aug 28, 2007 11:07:24 GMT 1
Sending you huge ((((hugs))) honey.
Deanne xxx
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Ros
Aug 29, 2007 13:55:17 GMT 1
Post by phillipa on Aug 29, 2007 13:55:17 GMT 1
Ros,
Each day allow yourself to smile. We are here for you.
Hugs
Phillipa
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Ros
Sept 4, 2007 8:42:26 GMT 1
Post by norfolkbirdie on Sept 4, 2007 8:42:26 GMT 1
All I am doing OK, the house seems fine again, I didn't like it at all in the first couple of weeks but it is welcoming me back now. I am redecorating our bedroom and have bought a new bed so that I might feel less lonely and get more sleep than I do in our old huge one. Family and friends still being great they call me daily so ensuring I have someone to cry to/talk to and I am going to sign up with a temp agency this week to do some work which will get me out of house during day, providing they can see past "being overqualified" I just want something simple with no real challenges at the moment!!I can't go back to working for me and travelling again, as I need to create a life here and I'll never do that if I work abroad again. I have sent an official letter of complaint to C.Exec of hospital about Onc who was treating Dave and will await their response. I cope fine whilst I keep myself busy but evenings/nights are awful, still not sleeping which is driving me crazy but I guess it will return. I promised Dave I would be OK , that was the deal for him to smile and leave me and I am. Thanks to all for your messages of support they are all welcome. Let you know how my job hunt goes!! Ros
Ros
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Ros
Sept 4, 2007 10:27:13 GMT 1
Post by phillipa on Sept 4, 2007 10:27:13 GMT 1
Ros,
You will get there eventually. You are doing the right thing and starting a new life for yourself. It's a bit early but I am going to tell you this story and if you want the email addy of the person concerned I am sure she wont mind.
Charlies husband suffred a massive heart attack, he dided on the spot. Charlie was devestated. All Don's work mates kicked in helped finish their house, some friends came and took the stock (they lived on a ranch in Texas) it was a hobby ranch and Don and Charlie lived on his pension from the fire service. So money wasn't freely avaialble. Charlie ended up selling the ranch and moved to a mobile home in Arizona. She has now met a new man and says life is affording to her laugh again. She realises what she had wioth Don will never be replaced. her new man has given her a new lease on life. She thought she was awful feeling this way so soon after Don's death (18 months ago), but now she planning a cruise, has had her boobs done and a tummy tuck and is thinking of herself. Moral to the story, you do have to get on with living, but you never lose the one who has gone. I speak from experience with this. I have a rotten track with husband's and I can't afford to another one, I will start feeling like the Black Widow. My brothers tease me unmercifully about the husband's I a manage to dispose of. they are even joking Kent is the one who has lasted the longest.
Ros, allow your self that smile time, allow your self that quiet time. You will never lose Dave, no matter what happens in your future.
Soft hugs
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Ros
Sept 4, 2007 15:32:14 GMT 1
Post by Deanne Jenkyns on Sept 4, 2007 15:32:14 GMT 1
Hiya Ros, Hows the room coming along? Was nice to have a long chat with you yesterday. I meant what I said I am here anytime Good on your for writing the letter as I said yesterday I think you are doing the right thing It would just eat you up if you left things the way they were. Full of admiration for you sweetheart! Sending you lots of love n ((((hugs)))) Deanne xxx
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Ros
Sept 4, 2007 22:09:44 GMT 1
Post by norfolkbirdie on Sept 4, 2007 22:09:44 GMT 1
Phillipa Thanks for the story, a bit early for that yet but I appreciate the sentiment. I was a bit concerned about the Black Widow bit? Deanne The room is painted and wallpaper going up tomorrow, I have had sadness and tears today printing some photos of Dave to go in some new frames I bought for the bedroom. I took masses of pictures of Dave over the last year, storing up picture memories I suppose. Yes it was good to have a long chat, enjoyed it. Ros
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Ros
Sept 11, 2007 22:19:33 GMT 1
Post by norfolkbirdie on Sept 11, 2007 22:19:33 GMT 1
Well since I shared everything else with you guys and it helped then maybe you can help me now?? I feel awful, not coping well at all, I am struggling to make any sense of each day and I dread the nights. I have the girls and they are trying to be mum to me over the phone, friends are great but I'm sick of trying to appear OK for them .All I want is Dave, nobody else will do. I contacted the bereavement support people at hospice to arrange to see a counsellor as I am frightened where my thoughts are going but there's a waiting list. I know there are people out there who are dealing with this too and perhaps can understand and maybe they are further on in their coping, I just don't know how to carry on and deal with the pain & absolute misery that is constantly with me. Each day is worse than the last so how will time help??
sorry
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Ros
Sept 12, 2007 9:46:11 GMT 1
Post by Deanne Jenkyns on Sept 12, 2007 9:46:11 GMT 1
Dear Ros, I know we already spoke last night, I just hope some of what I said made some sense and I did not sound like a total plank! As I said last night I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this is for you, no one can unless they are in the same position. I just know I would be crushed like you are. Getting through the day must be hard enough but I can understand the night being esp difficult to cope with. I know that nothing anyone can say can take away your pain, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you always and if you ever need a friend I'm here.
Take care Deanne xxx
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randyw
Junior Member
Just chillin with my friends
Posts: 80
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Ros
Sept 12, 2007 11:53:44 GMT 1
Post by randyw on Sept 12, 2007 11:53:44 GMT 1
Time will only dull the pain. The pain of losing your soulmate never fully goes away. I llost my wife of almost 10 years 17 months ago. I know how you feel right now. A couple of things I did to help cope with the loss are these. I go outside and talk to Deb(Late Wife) at nite before I say my nitely prayers. Yes I pray outside at nite. I think god hears me better. I also talk to Deb and still do. Tell Dave how your day went, how the kids did at school. I carry on converssations and you would think I just walked in the door. Tell Dave how mad you are at losing him. ANYTHING you want to tell him, just say it. Secondly, Throw things. I use Eggs cause they are cheap and biodegradable. Throw them at a fence or at at tree but let it out. Keeping the pain inside is part of the hurt. Third, Try yelling. Got top find a quiet place with no one around though. This gets a little tricky to do sometimes. Luckily I have very understanding neighbors and they know what is going on if they hear me yelling. Lots of hugs!! Pretty simple one there!! Especially if you have kids. was a hard one for me but have great neighbors again. A memory box. I have a box of photos and things From Deb and Her dawg Daisy since Daisy passed away to remind me of times we had together when i feel blue. Just sit down on floor and open up my box and pull out a photo album and look through it. Hugs and Prayers and hope something in here helps a little bit anyway. But I do understand. TIme does not heal just makes things a little more bearable..
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Ros
Sept 12, 2007 18:22:49 GMT 1
Post by sharon on Sept 12, 2007 18:22:49 GMT 1
Hello Ros,
I do know how you feel, and like you i am sick of "time heals" well it does not feel that way to me either, it feels still raw and everyday i say to myself i cant believe ive lost Martyn. its only been since june 26th but i still expect him to be lying next to me when i wake. I am trying to be strong for my children, but i have found myself resenting them somedays because i want to be with my husband so much and they are the only reason i cant. I have been so wrapped up in my own grief i was not paying attention to my one daughter who was hurting too and she decided to take an overdose, thankfully she did not suceed, but its made me realise i have got to move forward. Take each day one day at a time, its the only way, give yourself some goals to achieve like get through the first month aniversary then the second month, get through birthdays, family get togethers etc. I know it might sound daft, but i went to afamily party it was the first one without my husband, i have had my youngest 9th birthday again its the first without him but i got through it. Martyn would have been 50 soon and iam putting that down as my next goal to achieve, im going to cellebrate it with our family.
Ros there is no magic wand, i wish there was. I hope we can both get through this and hopefully we will both feel better again one day
Take care Ros
Love Sharon xxx
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Ros
Sept 12, 2007 20:56:56 GMT 1
Post by dtay on Sept 12, 2007 20:56:56 GMT 1
Ros and Sharon I am thinking of you both and sending (((hugs))) Dawn x
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Ros
Sept 12, 2007 22:13:45 GMT 1
Post by norfolkbirdie on Sept 12, 2007 22:13:45 GMT 1
Deanne Thanks as always for the immense caring you have, yes you make sense and your call made me feel a bit better!!! Randy, thanks for the suggestions, I am doing some of them, I talk to him constantly, I tell him everything the only problem is that there is no response, I am not a religous person and have no faith so there is no comfort from that side and the strongest emotion appears to be sadness and tears at the moment, I can get angry at Doctors but not at him, he didn't want to leave me. My daughters are grown women and live 200 miles away so virtual hugs are my only available hugs from our nightly phone calls and real ones when we see each other. I am going through all our photos on PC and printing them off and framing the ones I want to have near me, that does help and I have some in every room now, I think my family are concerned I am creating a shrine, I'm not I just want to see him in every room I go into so I can at least talk to a picture & see his smile. What does help me is to go & see Dave, he is buried in a woodland grave, it is so beautiful there and I go sit on a log and cry(no droughts when I'm around) and tell him stupid stuff I've done and let him know how I feel, I try and only go once a week and do his flowers at the same time. Sharon Thankyou for sharing how you are dealing with losing Martyn and I am so sorry about your daughter, what an awful thing to happen,I hope she is doing a little better now, and able to talk about it?? I am trying to get through the stuff as it arises but then I sink into this black pit and struggle to see my way out of it as you feel like what's the point? My every thought is taken up with him and I go over and over what happened, I don't know why I do this. Do you sleep,eat??I can't seem to manage those yet. I was a very positive person always looking for the best, setting goals etc... striving to achieve and I know I need to get that back somehow, maybe I need to want it and I don't at the moment.
Thanks for trying to help me Ros
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Ros
Sept 12, 2007 23:03:18 GMT 1
Post by joannejopling on Sept 12, 2007 23:03:18 GMT 1
HI Ros
I lost my Dave too, must be a special name huh ? Ros I lost my dave in March, my sons birthday aswell, how bloody inconsiderate lol. Ros its okay to feel the way you do, its okay to be angry, its okay to want him with you, and no one else. Its okay to want to see him laying next to you in the morning. Its okay to cry..... Its good for you. My dave didnt want to leave either, but neither could he bare being ill. He couldnt bare to see how much it was hurting me, he thought by going life... would be easier for me, He was partly right but also very wrong. When he died a huge part of me died too. I suppose im lucky and my son is here keeping me going. And a part of me knows that my journey here is not finished, that there are things I need to do, before I can join him.
You know i talk to him everyday, but I also allow him to talk back to me , and I listen,
what would he be saying to me right now ? what would he say back to me?
and no sometimes I dont want to hear the answers, but I do know what he would say, and that keeps me going, so ros, when your having those conversations with him, keep listening because he will talk back, you know him well enough to know what he would say to you.
Heaps of love to you x
Joanne
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Ros
Sept 13, 2007 20:19:13 GMT 1
Post by norfolkbirdie on Sept 13, 2007 20:19:13 GMT 1
Joanne Thanks for taking the time to tell me about your Dave and try to help. I do spend a lot of my time thinking "Dave would laugh at me for being this silly" or "He would be angry if he could see me falling apart" I promised him I would be OK and I want to keep that promise but I am not doing well. My Dave felt the same about seeing me hurting and I'm sure that's why he went so quickly, I feel bad for letting him see me so upset as that's when everything seemed to change for him. Good job it's OK to cry cos I do plenty. I contacted the Bereavment counselling service from hospice and they are sending someone tomorrow evening to listen/talk, I hope it helps Ros
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Ros
Sept 13, 2007 22:32:56 GMT 1
Post by Deanne Jenkyns on Sept 13, 2007 22:32:56 GMT 1
Dear Ros, I have read though this thread a few times and everytime I do I have tears in my eyes. I just wanted to say I am thinking of you all. Ros I hope that speaking to someone gives you some comfort. I am going to say it again you can call me anytime.
Joanne, Cannot wait to see you again (((hugs)))
Take care all Deanne xxx
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Ros
Sept 17, 2007 11:12:44 GMT 1
Post by Deanne Jenkyns on Sept 17, 2007 11:12:44 GMT 1
Hiya Ros, How did it go on friday? Hope it helped in some way.
Deanne xxx
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Ros
Sept 17, 2007 12:48:46 GMT 1
Post by norfolkbirdie on Sept 17, 2007 12:48:46 GMT 1
Hi Deanne It gave me another opportunity to talk to someone else and go over it again not much else, I'm not sure what happens, she made another appt to see me in 3 weeks. Everyone keeps saying it's verl early in the process!!!! I don't feel like I am in a process, just feel like I am in a lost place trying to figure out how to get out and realising I can't. Hope you had a good weekend away?
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Ros
Sept 17, 2007 12:55:47 GMT 1
Post by Deanne Jenkyns on Sept 17, 2007 12:55:47 GMT 1
Hi Ros, I'm sorry that it has not helped, I think it is a bit insensetive saying it's early in the process We all know it's early for goodness sake! I can imagine that you are feeling very lost and alone and all talked out! I only wish that their was some way I could offer you some comfort. Your probably sick of talking but you know where I am Ros. ((((hugs)))) Deanne x
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Ros
Sept 26, 2007 21:23:25 GMT 1
Post by Deanne Jenkyns on Sept 26, 2007 21:23:25 GMT 1
Dear Ros, Been thinking about you and wondering how you are?
Deanne xxx
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